These were gathered from various sources. Please contact the
webmaster if you have something appropriate to add to this page.
Church Bulletin Blunders
(these are not from this church, of course)
- The Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will
be used to cripple children.
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in
the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
girdles for the pancake breakfast next sabbath.
- Low self-esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
- The pastor will preach his farwell message, after which the choir sing "Break Forth Into
Joy".
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement Friday
at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Thursday night potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- The rosebud on the altar this morning is to anounce the birth of David, the sin of Rev.
and Mrs Adams.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?". Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Prebyterian Church. Please use the large
double doors at the side entrance.
- Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of
their first child.
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I
Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- This being Easter Sabbath, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the
altar.
- The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly
and the rest of the congregation will join in.
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and
the deterioration of some of the older ones.
- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the
choir.
Author(s) unknown
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Where do Pets Come From?
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do
not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you
love us."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever
and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot
see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will
accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of
a name or this new animal." And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal
to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you
will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were
comforted.
And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve
have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are
worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever
and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they
will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when
Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't care one way or the other.
Author unknown
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A Confession of Sin for Choirsters
Almighty and most merciful conductor
We have erred and strayed from Thy beat like lost sheep;
We have followed too much the intonations and tempi of our own hearts.
We have offended against Thy dynamic markings.
We have left unsung those notes which we ought to have sung
And we have sung those notes which we ought not to have sung.
And there is no breath support in us.
But Thou, O Conductor, have mercy upon us, miserable singers;
Succor the chorally challenged;
Restore Thou those who require sectional rehearsals;
Spare thou those who are in possession of pencils at each rehearsal.
Pardon our mistakes and have faith that
Hereafter we will follow Thy directions
And will sing together in perfect harmony.
Amen.
Author unknown
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Emmanuel Episcopal Church
400 N. High Street, Franklin VA 23851
(757) 562-4542 | EmmanuelEpiscopalFranklin@yahoo.com
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